RIGHT TO ABUSE?

Two years ago, I attended the wedding of a close friend, Bola. It was a beautiful ceremony with the best of music, food and entertainment. The memories I have of that ceremony remains evergreen, Bola was such a gorgeous bride and her groom, Segun was charming. Both really stole the show, anyway it was theirs to do. They later relocated to Abuja and I had not seen either of them till two months ago when I bumped into Bola at a shopping mall. In two years, the brightness and smile that was the identity of my friend was missing. She looked gloomy and her responses to questions were short and had the tag “we’re coping.” At first I thought it was her latest slang but then, it became the only answer to questions pertaining to Segun.

Although, I had not seen Bola for a long while and our communication on phone had been epileptic, her cold response and gait simply didn’t spell happiness. I knew I had to see her again, and when she told me she was in Lagos for an official assignment that would last for three days and would be leaving for Abuja during the weekend, I suggested she spent her last night with me in my house instead of the hotel she had lodged in on her arrival.

On Friday evening, Bola was at my door and I was happy to see her more relaxed than the last time I saw her. While we were gisting after an early dinner, I teased her that Segun would have really missed her, she only sighed and said “in her dreams”. “Still teasing her about her husband when she suddenly told me to stop mentioning his name.  At that moment, I was shocked and after some persuasion, she told me that her marriage had been hell. She narrated how Segun would scream at her, and later push her out of his way when he was angry with her. He eventually graduated to beating her without even telling her what she had done wrong. His ways of communicating his feelings had been by physically abusing her and bruising her emotionally. They hardly talk about things anymore; Silence was the order of the day. Few times, he could be welcoming, and that’s only because he wanted sex.

I had to ask Bola if Segun had beaten her at anytime while they were dating. She said he slapped her once and had been so sorry for the act that he brought her flowers early the next morning with a note reading “I’m sorry baby, it will never happen again. I love you.”  There was no repeat of any abuse until they got married. The abuse started with neglect, slaps, beatings and punches and was accompanied with I’m sorry each time.

I began to wonder what happened to the marriage vows Segun made in the church before God and many witnesses to love, protect and cherish Bola. Perhaps it was a mere recitation. Do you hurt the person you love by physically abusing them? I understand we have differences but love is resolving these differences together, facing challenges together, holding on to each other, walking through life together, gazing into each other’s eyes without hurting one another. I also know it is important to communicate one’s feelings, thoughts and activities but not with slaps, a rash mouth or with your fists. Respect is key in relationships; respect each other’s opinions, body and personality.

Love covers a multitude of sins, including abuse. Love is encompassing, overlooks wrongs, sensitive, attentive, caring and respectful. Love is not a fight but it’s something worth fighting for.

BBM 101

The rate at which technology advances is so fast that if one is not careful, one will be living in the past. It’s amazing what those little devices can help you to achieve.

I once listened to a guy who said if you do not own a laptop, tablet, ipad, iphone or a Smartphone or all in this century, you are old school. Well, with all the beautiful features and amazing applications these devices possess, it is also imperative to know the strains they can cause if not well managed.

Many relationships, academic pursuit, deadlines and achievements have been suffering as a result of the overly undue attention given to these devices for pleasure. I’m particular about the “BB”, yea, Blackberry; it’s no longer news that a lot of people ranging from students to working class and even the retired ones own one. It’s no longer alarming to see a 10 year old flaunt a blackberry these days and believe me, you’ll be surprised they can use it more effectively than you can. Uberfacts tweeted that’ a class boy/girl sends and receives an average of 3 text messages in every class.’ You can imagine how many notifications that will be received with a BB. Hence teachers, lecturers and tutors have become mere objects in the classrooms and at the end of the day; the students are barely knowledgeable of the subjects taught in class. Only a few will even make use of the BB to get “on the go” information and further findings on what’s taught or for assignments.

Relationships are threatened these days because attention and communication between friends, partners and the likes have been shifted to BBM. A guy was not happy because his wife has been so busy with her BB pinging her marriage away, with customers in the name of being a marketer. Imagine returning from work to be welcomed by a pinging wife/ husband who can’t even stand to give u a hug/kiss. The call time during working hours is replaced with pinging activities. Children are also a victim of this; they can no longer play and talk with mummy about what happened in school and about their friends because she’s so busy these days. All she says is “we’ll talk about it later” and later never comes.

Singles no longer take time to talk to their friends, and when there’s time to talk, they barely hear what’s said and respond with monosyllables. Whatever happened to happy relationships, the laughs, the sobs, shoulders to lean on and cry on, the tickles and the likes! A girlfriend of mine came visiting for 3 days and we barely had time to talk like we used to because she was too busy with her BB I had to repeat some gists more than once cause she was not in my world. Even in church, people find it so easy to put God aside by pinging away. Whatever happened to honour and respect!

Guess we’ve got a lot of distractions already, should we allow "unmanaged blackberried” activities put more strain on the cherished and valued people in our lives and activities. Guess it’s high time we all took the course “BBM 101” – Blackberry Management and come out with an A. Carry over can be dangerous.