Two years ago, I attended the
wedding of a close friend, Bola. It was a beautiful ceremony with the best of
music, food and entertainment. The memories I have of that ceremony remains
evergreen, Bola was such a gorgeous bride and her groom, Segun was charming.
Both really stole the show, anyway it was theirs to do. They later relocated to
Abuja and I had not seen either of them till two months ago when I bumped into
Bola at a shopping mall. In two years, the brightness and smile that was the
identity of my friend was missing. She looked gloomy and her responses to
questions were short and had the tag “we’re coping.” At first I thought it was
her latest slang but then, it became the only answer to questions pertaining to
Segun.
Although, I had not seen Bola for
a long while and our communication on phone had been epileptic, her cold
response and gait simply didn’t spell happiness. I knew I had to see her again,
and when she told me she was in Lagos for an official assignment that would
last for three days and would be leaving for Abuja during the weekend, I
suggested she spent her last night with me in my house instead of the hotel she
had lodged in on her arrival.
On Friday evening, Bola was at my
door and I was happy to see her more relaxed than the last time I saw her.
While we were gisting after an early dinner, I teased her that Segun would have
really missed her, she only sighed and said “in her dreams”. “Still teasing her
about her husband when she suddenly told me to stop mentioning his name. At that moment, I was shocked and after some
persuasion, she told me that her marriage had been hell. She narrated how Segun
would scream at her, and later push her out of his way when he was angry with
her. He eventually graduated to beating her without even telling her what she
had done wrong. His ways of communicating his feelings had been by physically
abusing her and bruising her emotionally. They hardly talk about things anymore;
Silence was the order of the day. Few times, he could be welcoming, and that’s
only because he wanted sex.
I had to ask Bola if Segun had
beaten her at anytime while they were dating. She said he slapped her once and
had been so sorry for the act that he brought her flowers early the next
morning with a note reading “I’m sorry baby, it will never happen again. I love
you.” There was no repeat of any abuse
until they got married. The abuse started with neglect, slaps, beatings and
punches and was accompanied with I’m sorry each time.
I began to wonder what happened
to the marriage vows Segun made in the church before God and many witnesses to
love, protect and cherish Bola. Perhaps it was a mere recitation. Do you hurt
the person you love by physically abusing them? I understand we have
differences but love is resolving these differences together, facing challenges
together, holding on to each other, walking through life together, gazing into
each other’s eyes without hurting one another. I also know it is important to
communicate one’s feelings, thoughts and activities but not with slaps, a rash
mouth or with your fists. Respect is key in relationships; respect each other’s
opinions, body and personality.
Love covers a multitude of sins,
including abuse. Love is encompassing, overlooks wrongs, sensitive, attentive,
caring and respectful. Love is not a fight but it’s something worth fighting
for.
No comments:
Post a Comment